diff --git a/.gitlab-ci.yml b/.gitlab-ci.yml
index 6abad33..c631485 100644
--- a/.gitlab-ci.yml
+++ b/.gitlab-ci.yml
@@ -15,12 +15,12 @@ default:
     - cargo version
 
 stages:
-  - lint
-  - cache-cleanup
-  - build-base
-  - build
-  - test
-  - release
+  - lint # KNEE-DEEP IN THE DEBUG
+  - cache-cleanup # THE CACHES OF HELL
+  - build-base # INFERNAL build times
+  - build # THY CREDITS CONSUMED
+  - test # SIGKILL
+#  - release
 
 # TEMPLATES
 
@@ -176,6 +176,11 @@ test-nightly:
       - target
       - .cargo
 
+# RELEASE
+# this is currently all disabled because
+# a) it's gross
+# b) it probably won't work and i really don't want to partake in CI tomfoolery right now, or ever
+
 build-release:
   stage: release
   cache: { }